Yeah, that’s right. I am grooming my inner Cartman. Exploring how to navigate the PhD selfishly. Because, folks, I now know that the reason why some direly low ratio of PhD’s who start actually finish (in the order of 17% or something). It’s because your salary stays the same, your fees mount every semester, and when you ask the librarian for a book, she doesn’t have it, and when you inquire if you did in fact order the book to her location, she tells you to look online yourself, and then you do, and no location is given, and you ask her again, but she’s not gonna help. You know why? She doesn’t CARE! And neither does the dean’s admin assistant (well, unless you’re the dean), and neither do the master’s students who supposedly “run” your grad association, or the undergrads who somehow have the power to charge you $30 a semester, culminating in >$35,000 per year that they have the power to disperse, but only to their own interests ($2000 shelves for the undergrad office anyone?). And you ask, well, how is this different than the rest of the world? And the answer is that I don’t have a manager who will either fend for me, or who I can hate and look for a new job, and there are no “minimum standards” of service here, and everything is decentralized. So, I have to do everything for myself all the time, and if someone doesn’t want to deal with me, in general, they can get away with it.
It was getting me down until I started to channel my inner Cartman. Not going to send me an article I *know* you have? Wha’eva! I don’t need you! Cartman ate all the skins off the pieces in the KFC bucket and didn’t care until he broke the toilet pipes. You say I can’t have vegetables (a portobello mushroom and an eggplant) just because I already got a burger at the orientation BBQ that *my* fees pay for? Wha’eva! I do what I WAUNT! I’m gonna eat that portobello mushroom and potentially piss off the vegetarians anyways. Because a burger is not the end of the world, and balanced diets are in, folks. You are going to give me a hard time funding my small project asking for plants for me and my classmates? Fine, I will inform all of the grad students, via email how to get their refund on the $30 fee that goes to your fund. Wha’eva! I do what I WAUNT!
I have been complaining to a few friends about this, and while the science types don’t seem to get the same treatment (they are sort of problem solving and “in it together”), my friend assured me it’s common in the social sciences. Like the social science wine and cheese which is tense, and everyone seems to be waiting for someone to get drunk and slip up.
I think my inner Cartman is going to get me through. And I can imagine his response to all of the “helpful” people here: “You can suck. mah. bawls.”
A little crude, but it’s getting me through the day and keeps me laughing, focused and productive, rather than plotting my revolt or my resignation 
